I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
