I accidentally burped into my bong.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
