i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i barfeds in our rink
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
