How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
