I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
