if you like me you must not know who I am
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
