I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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