i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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