I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
