yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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