feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
