I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
