He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's blow job season.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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