so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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