Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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