I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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