If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
