I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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