He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
