He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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