I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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