She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
