when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
