His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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