we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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