Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
