so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
