bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
