Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
