the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
