you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
