The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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