All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
