Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
