Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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