at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
