1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
