the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
