So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
