Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Pooping to opera.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
