I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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