I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
