Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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