i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've blown a few things in my day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
