Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think i got beer on your cat.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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