I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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