You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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