Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
