come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
