Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
