im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
