just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
