I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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