I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No subtext here. People are naked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
