my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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