So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
