Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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