she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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