Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
