the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
